ODE TO GHOST
by Kelly goodridge

I don't know how to do this - life-without you.
You did your job
Like a queen , sweet girl.
You, the guardian of secrets
most wouldn't be able to hear 
-Much less "handle."
You did. 
Willingly.
Perfectly.
I am so grateful to you.

With your strong heart
and soft, liquid eyes,
Your protective nature
and sense of humor....
We made fast friends 
with our short time together.
I was told how
You started waiting for me,
that you knew
when I was on my way.
Way back when.....
when I couldn't walk out to you
-because of my own pain-
where you liked to graze way out
in the corner of your pasture
watching your girls.
"The story goes...."
that ten minutes before each session ,
You started making your way to the fence.
-I do wish I could have been a fly on the wall
to see you start that walk at the same time,
every two weeks -
How did you know....
You always made me feel so special
Ghostie girl
Always - 
I did get to see you waiting for me .
As soon as I drove down the long gravel road
and saw you watching me.
I always felt as though you were welcoming me....
home.

Then another year went by,
You were still always the one
Who came when I called,
Every. Single. Time.
Even as I sensed your pain 
and you sniffed out mine -
before I knew it was there.
You'd stand with me while I sat in my chair
and you'd drink from my water bottle,
steal a peppermint.
Shhh

Always to short, our sessions.
Back then, when we thought we had all the time in the world.
Filled with secret-telling, of letting go, and,
When I needed it most, with loving hugs,
and, of course, Ghost kisses.
The best.
And therapy.
Anytime with you was the best therapy
No matter what we did.
I think early on it was evident
that we just enjoyed our time together
and that was more than enough.
Just peace and time
Because that's what I needed most - 
A place to be safe.
And when you find your best friend
in equine form,
Plans are not needed so much.
Favorite treats of course
would be sniffed out.
You came to expect them,
but that was okay
Because you already loved me.

Always our time was up
too fast
And I'd hug you every single time,
Putting my arms around 
your big, strong neck.
We had a soul bond then
and always.

I will never forget the feeling
the first and last time 
you ever wrapped your neck around mine
and laid my head against my heart.
I felt loved.
I felt worthy.
I felt protected.
After so many years,
I had....finally....found a safe place
to lay my head.

You will be missed
- painfully so-
because you are a part of me now....
You have been since I met you.
Naturally, all who loved you will grieve.
So many feelings....
I feel relief for you,
Ghost,
for you are free of pain.
I am blessed to have known the love of a horse.
You will always be my once in a lifetime,
Ghost.

​I know you had friends waiting for you that day
And I know you were ready.
I wish I could have been there to make
One. More. Memory.
Take one more photo.
But you did not leave me without saying goodbye.
In the most special way,
Your way,
You came to me in my sleep
~I couldn't take it for what it was yet
because I couldn't fathom my world
without you in it ~
You showed me how you were ready,
Ready to leave the pain behind.
And I cannot fault you that, love,
because you fought the fight that we, 
the warriors of chronic pain, fight.
You are forever a warrior.
You were with your special Palomino friend.
You ran to your forever place....
I love you Ghost.
You run wild and free now.
I can imagine how happy you must be
to buck and gallop,
feel the warm sun on your face and back,
where you can relax and graze
on the greenest grass and the tastiest alfalfa,
in a place where peppermints grow from the ground like carrots,
where apple trees are plentiful,
and where there is no pain.
There is nothing but
Love....Bliss....
I know, for I have been there.
​And we will see each other again.